Yet another dream about Bill Spring.
What on earth is going on in my subconscious? This dream was pretty close to what I would expect a conversation to be like between Bill and me these days.
We were talking, but he was mostly dismissive and hostile, suspcious about why I suddenly wanted to chat after all these years. I told him I honestly didn't know why, but that it seemed to be the right thing to do.
The dream was a fairly basic conversation, from what I remember. I'm not troubled or haunted by anything that happened with Bill, and I don't "miss him" or anything crazy like that. I guess it just feels like.. if I can mend fences with Eric, I should be able to mend fences with Bill, too.
Somehow I woke up one day... and not only was I not angry, but I was able to remember some good things I liked about Eric. And not long after that, I was able to remember good things about Bill, too. It's so strange how I blocked things out so completely.
Still, I should remember that it does take two to tango, and Bill never contacted me after ... I think the last time he called me was in 1997, when I was at work at the airline. "So I was thinking... my lease is ending, so I thought I could move down there and we could move to Wilmington and get married."
I was horribly cruel and said ""are you on crack?"
And he hung up shortly after that, saying something about "yes, I guess I am."
I want to apologize for that, at least. But I suppose I said it out of hurt. It wasn't a terribly romantic way to get proposed to (if that's what it was)... and he had waited until after we had broken up, and after he had kissed his housemate. I remember asking him to consider moving down to NC for a while before we broke up, but he didn't want to (I can't remember why.) So it was somewhat of a shock to receive that phone call...
That, and the whole misunderstanding about the rape thing probably means he hates me now. But I can't bear to talk about that here... too public. A private entry will do.
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