Ryna called today. I'm glad I was home.
Carl died. Ryna's brother. He disappeared Monday the 24th and they found his body on Friday. Suicide.
I don't know how to comfort her, other than sharing it all with her as much as she'll let me. Her father was (is) such a monster... and now he's too drunk to realize the effect he's had on her, Tanya, Joseph, and Carl.
I only met Carl at Ryna and Tim's wedding a year ago, so I didn't know him. But he was a human being, sacred like every one of the 6400 people who died Sept 11. He looked very much like Ryna.
"One person died 6400 times."
Sometimes I think of horrible platitudes. They don't comfort me, they make me angry. But at least it feels better to be angry. My favorites:
"God works in mysterious ways. Have faith, he has a plan."
and
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Carl was a real person, leaving behind people and children who loved and needed him. And you're going to say it's all part of god's plan? Fuck that!
Nobody deserves suffering... or at least, Carl didn't. Like all of us, Carl had unique wonderings, music he loved, and moments of beauty. I didn't know him, as I said, but Ryna loved him, and I love her. He loved a song by Tesla... I need to hear that.
I'm glad Ryna and Tim have each other. I wonder how Tim is doing. It's been four years since his brother was murdered... ( I am pretty sure it was Thanksgiving of 1997, a month after Hopi and Joon disappeared.) October 7th is coming up. Perhaps I won't notice. What's the best thing to do on bad anniversaries?
I like what Dr Phil said about how time does NOT heal all wounds. It reminded me of gary numan... "Time heals nothing: it merely rearranges our memory." It's not that time heals anything. We just grow some callouses, get "used" to the pain, and come up with a new "normal" routine that is missing someone we love.
I'm going to go re-watch the John Lennon tribute.
*****
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